i dun know what to do,
this is my first entry and i will be telling you my story.it might be lengthy but i really hope somebody can help me because i am on the edge of a cliff.

i had my first relationship when i was secondary 2.the girl was in secondary 1.we did all kind of things that young couples do.we been through thick and thin and have sweet and bitter moments.

this relationship lasted all the way she went to JC and i went to a private insitution.now i am 19 this year and she's 18.

something happen at the start of 2008.
she started to develop feeling for this guy in his school and she told me that our relationship have become more of a friendship.this is due to both of us are in our comfort zone and not expressing love to one another.

it was 3 days before CNY that we broke up,i was being slam hard to face such things.

i led a good life,have a good family and relatives.
i didn't have any problems at all since young.
and now i got this problem which i do not know how to face it at all.all i did was trembled in fear,
hoping it is not true,begging her to give me 1 more chance.

but all she say was she dun want a second chance with me anymore.i tried to do all kind of thing to win her back,but instead she find it irritating.
i was even more depressed about what happen.
i begin to lose control of my emotion,threatening to kill myself to her and all these.she was afraid and had to lie to me,like getting back together,or giving me a second chance.but behind,she was actually with the guy already.

1 day i found out and i was totally insane..i tried to commit sucide.i cut my wrist and everything.
to numb myself.telling myself this girl is not worth it.she left you just like that after 5 years,why are u still devoted to her.

however no matter how i tell myself to be angry at her,there will be moments of sad and depression.

there was this point of time where i wanna cut off from the world,i just sms my friends,she and her friends that i died acting as a friend of mine.

i just wanna be alone.

she kept smsing me telling me that she miss me and will do anything to bring me back and be together.

i was soft-hearted and call her and say i lied about it.she was very glad i am alive and we got back together.

however after a few days,she was angry with me about what happen.we broke again.

both of them are back together.

it's been 2 months,i have been trying to get hold on myself but i just can't.

everytime i see her blog,describing how happy is she with the guy..all this and that.

i call her,but she say she can't talk to me because it will make things worse,
but i am used to talking to her,both of us named each other talking buddy because we can talk alot.



make me even worse.

now i feel like killing myself again.
i know it's stupid but i wanna end this.

dun tell me i still got my family and friends.
asking me to talk to somebody,
or occupying myself.

because at the end of the day,it is up to the person if he wanna handle and control himself.

i know i can't
i know it.

i can't get over this relationship that i had.
too huge.
simply too huge.

it is a matter of time i will get insane and just kill myself...